Merry Christmas!
The Christmas season is such a busy time that tends to be filled with many commitments and expectations of things that need to be done and people to visit. You may enter Christmas feeling overwhelmed, frazzled, and tired from all the preparations and the whirlwind that started the season.
It is possible to imagine that St. Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary may have felt rather exhausted from their journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem, finding that there was no place for them to stay in Bethlehem, and that Mary was giving birth without any of their family nearby.
Upon reflecting on this, you can take consolation that you are not alone in your feelings, especially if you and your family are exhausted, busy or are alone at this time of year. How can you and your spouse come together to savour the beauty of Christmas by unwrapping the gift of Christ’s presence in your lives?
Once the hustle and bustle of preparing for Christmas Day is behind you, you might breathe a sigh of relief that most of the gifts have been wrapped and given, feasts have been prepared and eaten, and you made it to the finish line.
However, it is important not to forget the most important gift of Christmas, God’s gift of Jesus to us through the Incarnation, the beginning of a new era for humanity. The possible slower pace after Christmas Day can be a good time to imitate Mary’s example when she “kept all these things, pondering them in her heart” (Luke 2: 19) by taking the time to savour the wonder of the miracle of Christ’s birth throughout the whole Christmas season.
You can create special moments in the upcoming days to appreciate and be thankful for the mystery of the Incarnation. This can be done by applying some of the wisdom that comes from Pope St. John XXIII’s Christmas prayer to foster a greater connection with God and your spouse, take in the beauty of Christmas, and cultivate a deeper sense of gratitude.
“O sweet and gentle Infant of Bethlehem, grant us the gift of sharing with our whole soul this profound mystery of Christmas. Put into [their] hearts…the peace that at times they sent so openly and that Thou alone can give them. Help them to know themselves better, and to live like brothers [and sisters] as the sons [and daughters] of one single Father. Reveal to them, too, Thy beauty, Thy holiness and Thy purity. Awaken in their hearts love and gratitude for Thy infinite goodness. Unite them all in Thy charity. And give them Thy heavenly peace. Amen.” – Pope St. John XXIII[1]
Pope St. John XXIII asked Jesus to, “Help them to know themselves better… Unite them all in Thy charity.”[2] This can be a great prayer to pray at Christmas with or for your spouse: “Help us to know each other better… Unite us in Thy charity.”
As a couple, it is important to strive to continually connect and get to know each other better, as this can help strengthen your marriage. St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body… includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.”[3]
You can bring the reality of Christmas into your marriage through the gift of being present to each other and of seeing Christ in your spouse. How may this practice affect the way you listen to, speak to and love your spouse?
Some practical ways to consider doing this are to recognize some of the gifts that God has given your spouse, how your spouse lives out their faith, and how they draw you closer to Jesus.
You can also take time to ask your spouse how you can pray for them and how you can regularly help each other grow spiritually, extend grace to each other, and spend time together in a meaningful way.
In the Christmas prayer by Pope St. John XXIII, he prayed, “Reveal to them, too, Thy beauty.”[4] During Christmas, there are many things that reveal God’s beauty from Christmas wreaths, lights, the variety of crèche scenes from many different cultures, the warm glow of candles, hearing familiar Christmas carols, or seeing the deep red poinsettias.
The Christmas season can be a great opportunity to Practice the Presence of God, as the 17th-century Carmelite, Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection’s book is entitled. Brother Lawrence wrote that he “worshipped Him the oftenest as [he] could, keeping [his] mind in His holy presence.”[5]
You and your spouse could “practice the presence of God” by sitting together and savouring the sight of the beautifully decorated Christmas tree and feeling a sense of awe and gratitude to God. As you take the time to enjoy your Christmas tree, you might reflect on the traditional symbolism of the evergreen tree.
It has been said that evergreen trees are symbolic of eternal life[6] while the star on top of the tree represents Christ.[7] The twinkling lights and shimmering ornaments on the tree serve as a reminder of the abundant gifts and blessings bestowed upon us by God.[8]
Pope St. John XXIII asks the sweet and gentle Infant of Bethlehem to “Awaken in their hearts love and gratitude for Thy infinite goodness.”[9] Even if you are struggling, there are often many opportunities to be grateful. Even on the hardest of days, you can have the occasion to offer a small prayer of thanksgiving to Jesus.
This Christmas, you and your spouse could take time once a day, perhaps at the beginning of the day to reflect on the previous day or at the end of the day to reflect on the current day, to identify something you are thankful for and offer it as a prayer to God. This could include something you appreciate in each other, a moment that you shared with each other, or an experience you had.
Your prayer could be an appreciation for the beauty you see or hear around you this Christmas. Gratitude could also take the form of thanksgiving for the truths of our faith, such as being thankful for the gift of the Incarnation: God wanting to be so near to us that He humbly and vulnerably became present to us on earth as a baby.
Furthermore, you could be thankful for the example of the shepherds who dropped everything, listened to the message the angel shared with them about Jesus’ birth, and went with haste to go visit the Holy Family in the manger (see Luke 2: 8-20).
As you and your spouse are celebrating the joy of Christmas, may it be a time for you to further discover the gift of Jesus’ presence in your lives by growing in your connection with your spouse, by recognizing the beauty and presence of God throughout Christmas, and by cultivating a sense of gratitude for all that God has given you and your spouse. May the best gift you receive, and that you accept, be unwrapping the gift of Christ’s presence by savouring the beauty of Christmas within your marriage.
-Melissa Guzik and Jean MacKenzie are registered psychologists who work in private practice in Edmonton. They are co-authors of the Catholic marriage enrichment book and workbook To Know, Love and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment.