The Church has entered into the season of Lent, which offers you the opportunity to focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving over 40 days while you prepare your heart for Easter. During part of his Lenten message, Pope Francis challenged the Church when he wrote about journeying together:
“Let us all walk in the same direction, tending towards the same goal, attentive to one another in love and patience. This Lent, God is asking us to examine whether in our lives, in our families, in the places where we work and spend our time, we are capable of walking together with others, listening to them, resisting the temptation to become self-absorbed and to think only of our own needs… Whether we show ourselves welcoming, with concrete gestures, to those both near and far. Whether we make others feel a part of the community or keep them at a distance.”[1] Within your marriage, how can you live out this call that Pope Francis proposed?
In what ways can you and your spouse walk together and listen to each other with love and patience? There are times, especially when life is busy, that you can go all day without taking a few moments to enter into your spouse’s world to be curious about what they are saying and how they are really doing. As you both connect at various times throughout your day, what is your spouse really saying to you? It may be helpful to ask them how they are feeling and patiently take the time to summarize back what they said to you to see if you understood their perspective.[2] This can allow the two of you to “walk together” during the day even if you are busy and not able to spend a lot of time together, or to check in with how the other is doing even if you are spending a lot of time together.
How can you “resisting the temptation to become self-absorbed and to think only of [your] own needs” as Pope Francis suggested?[3] Especially when life feels hard, there can be a tendency to focus on our your needs. Now you certainly need to care for yourself otherwise it is hard to give to others, yet it is also important to focus on your spouse. You may ask yourself, what do you appreciate about your spouse? Perhaps you noticed that your spouse took out the garbage, helped a child with an activity, or went to Mass with you. Then you can acknowledge that appreciation to your spouse. You may also pray to God a word of thanks for these actions. Furthermore, what acts of service can you do for your spouse to honour their needs? If both of you are doing this for each other, then your needs are not only being met by yourself but by each other. This can include praying for and with your spouse, helping them with or acknowledging a struggle they are facing in their day, doing a little gesture of something they enjoy (e.g., like bringing them a coffee), writing them a note, or planning a date with them. The idea is to help them given their needs and the approach that is best for them. The book “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman can also provide many other ideas for how to do this.
Finally, the Pope asked to “show [yourself] welcoming, with concrete gestures to those both near and far. Whether [you] make others feel a part of the community or keep them at a distance.”[4] When you see your spouse as you start your day and when you are reunited when you both come home, how do you welcome or greet each other? These can be small, yet impactful, actions to genuinely and concretely welcome each other by stopping what you are doing to turn towards your spouse, connecting with them, and possibly giving them some physical affection. These actions can also be great practice for how to welcome others as you are in your community and parish. Even if you are busy, it can make a big difference in the lives of others to be able to take a moment to smile, say hello, and connect with others, especially people who are “at a distance” who you don’t usually connect with. This may feel vulnerable with your spouse or others, especially if you had an argument with your spouse, are tired or feeling drained from your day, or if you struggle to meet new people. However, you never know the graces you may receive and the impact you may have on the life of someone else or your marriage through these kind and welcoming actions.
On March 19, the Church celebrated the Solemnity of St. Joseph, the patron saint of the Archdiocese of Edmonton, who is a great example of the qualities Pope Francis highlighted. St. Joseph was humble and put aside his own plans to follow God’s will for his life. You can see this when St. Joseph took Mary as his wife (Matthew 1: 18-25), journeyed to Bethlehem for the census and the birth of Jesus (Luke 2: 1-38), immigrated with Jesus and Mary to Egypt to keep them safe (Matthew 2: 13-15), returned to Nazareth (Matthew 2: 19-23), and fulfilled the traditions of his faith such as going to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover (Luke 2: 41-52). St. Joseph welcomed Mary and Jesus into his life and listened to God and Mary by believing what was told to him in his dreams through the angel of the Lord. St. Joseph also concretely acted on this beliefs by walking along the path that God called him to as the husband of Mary and the earthy father of Jesus. Within his community, St. Joseph likely was welcoming and listened to others to be successful in his carpentry work to serve the people coming to him for his services.
The month of March is dedicated to St. Joseph. Everyone is invited to make a “pilgrimage of the heart” by participating in St. Joseph Oil novena, in which the faithful anoint themselves and pray for the intercession of St. Joseph, the patron of the Archdiocese of Edmonton.
During this Lenten season, may you and your spouse take the opportunity to practically implement what Pope Francis recommended within his Lenten message. May this be an opportunity to have greater appreciation for one another, think of each other’s needs, be welcoming, grow in your ability to listen, and, ultimately, to journey and walk closer to God and your spouse this Lent. As this article, comes to an end, you are invited to pray for the intercession of St. Joseph through this litany:
“Lord, have mercy on us.
Christ, have mercy on us.
Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, pray for us.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
Illustrious son of David, pray for us.
Light of patriarchs, pray for us.
Spouse of the Mother of God, pray for us.
Chaste guardian of the Virgin, pray for us.
Foster father of the Son of God, pray for us.
Watchful defender of Christ, pray for us.
Head of the Holy Family, pray for us.
Joseph most just, pray for us.
Joseph most chaste, pray for us.
Joseph most prudent, pray for us.
Joseph most valiant, pray for us.
Joseph most obedient, pray for us.
Joseph most faithful, pray for us.
Mirror of patience, pray for us.
Lover of poverty, pray for us.
Model of workmen, pray for us.
Glory of home life, pray for us.
Guardian of virgins, pray for us.
Pillar of families, pray for us.
Solace of the afflicted, pray for us.
Hope of the sick, pray for us.
Patron of the dying, pray for us.
Terror of demons, pray for us.
Protector of Holy Church, pray for us.
Lamb of God, Who takes away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord!
Lamb of God, Who takes away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord!
Lamb of God, Who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us!
- He made him the lord of His household,
R. And prince over all His possessions.
Let Us Pray
O God, Who in Thine ineffable Providence didst vouchsafe to choose Blessed Joseph to be the spouse of Thy most holy Mother, grant, we beseech Thee, that he whom we venerate as our protector on earth may be our intercessor in Heaven. Who lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen.”[5]
-Melissa Guzik is a registered psychologist who works in private practice in the Greater Edmonton area. She is the co-author of the Catholic marriage enrichment book and workbook To Know, Love and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment. Information about Melissa’s private practice can be found at www.melisssaguzik.com