With the amount of technology that exists, the use of it impacts couples and is an important topic to consider.
In 2025, St. Carlo Acutis, who died at age 15 in 2006, was declared a saint.[1] St. Carlo is known as the “saint of the internet” and “used his technological skills to document Eucharistic miracles, inspiring teenagers and Catholics of all ages to live with devotion, generosity, and a deep love for the Eucharist.”[2]
His life is rather inspiring, particularly when it comes to how he used a computer, and offers the opportunity to reflect on one’s own use of technology. During this Lenten season, a time to detach and fast from certain things in your lives, how can you and your spouse discuss your technology use within your relationship?
In 2002, St. Carlo was “a prodigy when it came to technology [because] when he was only 8 or 9, he had gotten a hold of a university-level computer science textbook, using it to teach himself to code.
From there, he moved into animation and video editing, making videos with his friends and dubbing voice-overs on videos of his dogs.”[3] St. Carlo was so tech savvy and had such a love for his faith that he created a website that documented almost 150 Eucharistic miracles, which would result in an exhibit that travels around the world to this day.[4]
Even though St. Carlo was so talented with his ability to use technology, he used it in moderation and had balance in his life. He was also friendly to the point that he seemed to know everybody as he “couldn’t help but stop to talk to every person he passed.”[5]
Upcoming Archdiocese Event: St. Carlos Acutis Lenten Retreat March 14-15 at St. Vital parish
Furthermore, St. Carlo took time every day to go to Mass, adoration, and pray the rosary.[6] He also “had a sensitive heart and was always looking out for those who were suffering: classmates whose parents were going through a divorce, kids who were being bullied. Carlo’s approach was always friendship. And through that friendship, people were always drawn to Jesus.”[7] Overall, the life of St. Carlo Acutis was filled with many important aspects, including some use of technology.
Research shows that within a relationship, if technology is perceived to interfere with an interaction between partners, this may have impacts on their mood, conflicts, and the quality of their relationship.[8]
When you use technology and you are not present to the person in front of you, this can influence your ability to communicate and miss out on opportunities to connect with each other.
Given the different impacts technology can have on a relationship, it may be helpful for you and your spouse to discuss your use of technology and the effect it has on both of you. This way, you can steer your use of technology in ways you want to use it, instead of technology steering you and your relationship.
Here are some questions that you and your spouse could use to start or continue a discussion:
- Do you feel that technology impacts our relationship? If so, how?
- What are some positive ways that we use technology?
- What safeguards do we have in place, or could we put in place, to limit how long and what type of technology we use?
- Are there any devices that either of us feel should be removed, or limited within our home?
- What can we learn from the example of St. Carlo Acutis?
- For the remainder of Lent, is there any technology we should fast from?
- What things could we do instead of using technology, or are we happy with how we use our time?
- What ways can we connect every day as a couple without technology being present?
- How can we have more balance in our relationship?
When you and your spouse speak about your use of technology, you could both take turns listening to who is speaking, and trying to summarize back what they are saying to demonstrate your interest, understanding where they are coming from, and acknowledging their feelings.[9]
You can also use “I” statements, as demonstrated in this article. These strategies can assist you and your spouse in listening to each other, and be better able to make the necessary changes, if any, in how you use technology within your home and relationship.
As you and your spouse discuss your use of technology, may the example of St. Carlo Acutis inspire you to speak openly about your technology use and what regular habits you would like to foster in your marriage. Within the remainder of Lent, may you and your spouse have the opportunity to discern how to use technology and any changes you would like to make, to allow both of you to be connected in a greater way to each other and to God.
-Melissa Guzik is a registered psychologist in private practice in the Greater Edmonton area. She is the co-author of the Catholic marriage preparation and enrichment book and workbook: To Know, Love, and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment: 2nd Edition. Melissa lectures at St. Joseph Seminary and presents in dioceses across Canada. Information about Melissa’ s private practice can be found at www.melissaguzik.com
