“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!”
– St. Elizabeth’s words to our Blessed Mother Mary (Luke 1: 42)
Within the Church, the month of May is dedicated to the Blessed Mother Mary. It is a time to remember how Mary is your spiritual mother, the Queen of Heaven and Earth, the Mother of God, and someone you and your spouse can turn to as her children. Given the special emphasis on Mary this month, how can you both honour her?
It may be tempting to think of Mary as unrelatable given that she was conceived without sin, yet Mary understands so much of our human experience. She sensed fear at the Annunciation and was reassured by the angel Gabriel to “be not afraid,” (Luke 1: 29-30).
You can imagine her joy and excitement at the Visitation when St. Elizabeth and Mary greeted each other (see Luke 1: 39-50). She must have felt wonder, awe, amazement, and fatigue at the birth of Jesus with shepherds and wise men coming to see her and St. Joseph after giving birth and her long journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem (see Luke 2: 1-20). She experienced anxiety at Jesus’ disappearance in Jerusalem (Luke 2: 41-52).
Mary certainly endured sorrow, grief, and loss at seeing Jesus misunderstood, rejected, and crucified. She likely felt joy and peace at the Resurrection of Jesus as she saw the reality of the truths about her Son occurring after his gruesome death! Mary certainly is someone who understands many different circumstances, emotions, and challenges, and is someone you can turn to, especially as you experience these different emotions within the various moments of your lives.
This May, you and your spouse may want to talk about the different moments you have had that are similar to Mary’s experiences.
Perhaps you have felt happiness when connecting with a friend while sharing news that you are pregnant, as Mary did at the Visitation. You may have felt uncertainty about your future when you received big news that requires a major change in your life, like when Mary needed to suddenly leave to Egypt when Herod was trying to kill Jesus (Matthew 2: 13-18). Maybe you are experiencing deep heartbreak from the loss of a child and wondering why their life was cut so short, remembering that Mary’s soul was pierced as she held her son in her arms after he died on the cross, especially if you imagine the famous sculpture of Michelangelo’s Pietà.
Taking the time to talk as a couple can be vulnerable, yet it can also be a time to grow closer together emotionally.
In addition, there are many ways to celebrate Mary this May. Some ideas include you and your spouse crowning a statue of Mary with flowers, making a Mary’s garden, or doing a consecration to Jesus through Mary. You can also pray a rosary or a decade of the rosary on a daily or weekly basis together to seek Mary’s intercession for struggles in your lives and for offering prayers of thanksgiving for blessings you are encountering.
Furthermore, you could take time to visit and pray at a shrine or church dedicated to Our Lady, such as the grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes behind St. Albert Parish or at the Skaro shrine, Our Lady of Mercy Parish in Enoch, or Our Lady Queen of Poland Parish in Edmonton as a few ideas. You could always include a nice treat to eat after your visit to celebrate the life of Mary and the gift her life has been to the Church.
May, which also starts with the feast of St. Joseph the Worker on May 1st, may bring to mind your own parents. After all, in May and then in June, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are celebrated. These can be great days to honour your mother and father for the parents they are and to ponder and discuss the role your parents have in your lives.
Every parent has flaws, and is not perfect. You may have even experienced much pain from your parent’s actions. Nevertheless, you and your spouse may take some time to think and talk about what you value about your parents or other parental figures in your lives, such as other adults who greatly impacted you or saints you cherish.
Furthermore, you can take time to show your appreciation for who your spouse is as a parent to your children or other children in your lives. You can encourage your children to do the same.
It is not easy to be a parent, yet it can be helpful to receive affirmation from your spouse and those around you.
It is possible to have mixed emotions at these times as well. For instance, you could feel sadness and joy.
This is perhaps what Mary may have experienced at the Presentation in the Temple. You can imagine her joy at presenting Jesus, similar to how there is much joy at a child’s baptism. But then, Simeon shares with Mary that a sword will pierce her soul as well (Luke 2: 27-35). That certainly would have had a significant impact on Mary and changed the day with much to ponder amidst the joy. It may be helpful to remember this as you celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
After all, there can also be much grief and loss associated with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, especially if you struggle with infertility, are estranged from your parents or children, or a parent or child has died. Please be gentle and compassionate with yourselves if you experience one or more of these losses.
You may consider doing something special for yourselves by intentionally doing a favourite activity or taking time to honour your grief. For example, you could attend a Mother’s Day Mass at Holy Cross Cemetery to honour your deceased mother or children, or have a Mass said during the month of the anniversary of your parent or child’s death or birthday. You could also have a meal or dessert in honour of the person who has died and share a favourite memory you have of them.
This May as the Church celebrates the Blessed Virgin Mary, may it be an opportunity for you to honour Mary, connect with each other in a deeper way, reflect on your own parents, and appreciate your spouse in their parenting.
May you also echo the prayer to God as Mary did when she prayed, “my soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour” (Luke 1: 46-47), especially for His presence with you and your spouse in the good and hard moments of life.
– Melissa Guzik is a registered psychologist who works in private practice in the Greater Edmonton area. She is the co-author of the Catholic marriage preparation and enrichment book and workbook To Know, Love, and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment: 2nd Edition. Information about Melissa’s private practice can be found at melisssaguzik.com
