“The world’s thy ship and not thy home.” – St. Thérèse of Lisieux[1]
This month started with All Saints Day and All Souls Day, two days to commemorate the saints in heaven and the souls of all the faithful departed. Then on Remembrance Day Nov. 11, we honour all those who fought and sacrificed their lives for our freedom and our country.
These days lend nicely to a time of reflection of one of the corporal works of mercy: burying the dead, and one of the spiritual works of mercy: praying for the living and the dead. How can you, as a couple, work at growing in these corporal and spiritual works of mercy this November?
When you think of burying the dead, your own grief and loss of loved ones may come to mind. It is hard to grieve, so please be gentle with yourselves. Also know that people react differently towards death and have different experiences around death. Given this, it may be helpful to start with you and your spouse speaking about how you both feel about death.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
- How do you both react to death? While you are grieving, is there something you appreciate that others do to support you?
- Is there someone you particularly miss who has died? How can you honour them?
- What aspects about death do you struggle with?
- Is there anything in your lives you want to make changes to while thinking of supporting each other in getting to heaven?
Beyond speaking with your spouse, how can you grow in the corporal work of mercy of burying the dead? You can attend wakes, funerals, and burials of people in your community and of loved ones.[2] You could also send a Mass card to the grieving family or ask for a Mass to be offered for the person who has died.[3] Another idea is to pray at a cemetery for people who are buried there. You may check out this resource that the CCCB created about information about burying the dead, especially if you have additional questions.
With regards to praying for the living and the dead, you could add names to the book of the dead from both of your families and friends, which is typically available at your parish in the month of November. Furthermore, you could offer a spiritual bouquet[4], an offer of prayer you and your family will commit to saying together (e.g., a Mass you will attend, a rosary, a chaplet of Divine Mercy, or a novena), for the intention of the person you are offering the bouquet for. This could be for someone living who has specific intentions or struggles you are aware of, or for someone who has died to offer the bouquet to their family.
When you go to funerals, you could keep your prayer card that is given out as a reminder to pray for the person who has died through the year, or longer. Another idea of praying for the living is to make a collage of Christmas photos you receive to pray for the people near and far in your lives throughout the year.
Within your home, you and your spouse could create a place to put intentions of people who have asked for your prayers or who you feel called to pray for. Then you could pray together at a set time, such as at grace before a meal or at another time of the day that works best for you. Furthermore, if either of you are struggling with a specific situation, a loss, or being hurt by someone, you could offer a prayer for that situation to help support each other with that loss. Praying with and for your spouse is an important way to support your marriage, and definitely counts as praying for the living!
During this month, may it be an opportunity for you and your spouse to be able to connect with each other, honour both of your feelings of grief and loss, participate in burying the dead, and pray for the living and the dead. After all, this world is not our ultimate home, as St. Thérèse of Lisieux reminded us when she said, “The world’s thy ship and not thy home.”[5]
As this article comes to a close, may you and your spouse pray a prayer for the dying or for the faithful departed or this prayer: “Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. Like the seed buried in the ground, you have produced the harvest of eternal life for us; make us always dead to sin and alive to God. Amen.”[6]
(For more information on burials and grief support contact Edmonton Catholic Cemeteries.)
– Melissa Guzik is a registered psychologist who works in private practice in the Greater Edmonton area. She is the co-author of the Catholic marriage preparation and enrichment book and workbook To Know, Love, and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment: 2nd Edition. Information about Melissa’s private practice can be found at www.melisssaguzik.com