On July 3rd, the Church celebrates the feast of St. Thomas the Apostle, also known as “Doubting Thomas.”[1] Everyone experiences doubt at times. Doubt includes questioning the truth or something unlikely, lacking confidence, experiencing fear, or uncertainty impacting decision-making.[2] People can have doubts about any aspect of their lives, including themselves, their relationships, or their faith. What do you and your spouse do when you experience doubt or know others who are doubting? One of the spiritual works of mercy is to give counsel to the doubtful. “The works of mercy are charitable actions by which [you] come to the aid of [your] neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities.”[3] When it comes to giving counsel to the doubtful, how can you and your spouse live out this spiritual work of mercy?
One place to start with giving counsel to the doubtful is with yourself. Proverbs 19: 20 says to “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future.”
When you experience doubt, what do you do? You can start with being open, honest, and vulnerable about the struggle. From there, you can seek counsel from wise people in your life who you trust, speak to your spouse, pray, or look into various resources or information, which could help to resolve the doubt. If you have doubt in your own abilities, perhaps you could take some time to reflect on the qualities or values you have and how you live those out in your life. If this is a struggle, you could write down or think of what a friend would say about you, or even ask someone else for their perspective to help you get started.
When it comes to you and your spouse, how do you listen to counsel and give counsel when doubt arises? There are many instances of doubt that arise within a relationship: if a decision is the right one to make (especially if it is a major decision), if you are feeling overwhelmed or scared, if you are questioning whether something is true, if trust has been broken, if negative actions have occurred in a disagreement, if there’s uncertainty about how to handle a particular circumstance, etc. When these doubts occur, do you accept influence from each other and listen to one another’s counsel?
It may seem counterintuitive but research demonstrates “that the more influence a partner was willing to accept, the more influential that partner was in the relationship overall.”[4] In accepting influence, you can be open to what your spouse is saying, try to be curious about their perspective, acknowledge where they are coming from, and say “yes” to each other.[5] This way you and your spouse can express your own doubts to each other and listen to each other’s counsel. You can also seek help from other resources or people depending on the situation or if the issue you are struggling with is too big to overcome on your own.
When it comes to doubt regarding faith, it can be helpful to be reminded that, “Everyone has moments of doubt in their faith journey. Nevertheless, [you] should always remember that Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and turn to him along [your] way.”[6] Some ideas that the USCCB recommends for giving counsel to the doubtful include directing someone to Christ when someone is asking for advice or “follow[ing] Christ with the witness of your life so that others may see God’s love revealed in your actions.”[7] If you are journeying with someone who is struggling with their faith, you could share a resource with them, such as a book, article, podcast, or video about their concern, include them in a faith formation group, or invite them to Mass.[8]
You can also think of St. Thomas’ example as a witness of his faith. It was through his doubt that you can see that St. Thomas was honest with the other disciples about how he was feeling and needed to “‘see the mark of the nails in (Jesus’) hands, and put (his) finger in the mark of the nails and (his) hand in (Jesus’) side.’” (John 20: 25). St. Thomas likely experienced fear and was overwhelmed from everything that occurred in the Passion and Death of Jesus. Yet he risked being vulnerable and open about his difficulties, and continued to preserve by joining the disciples a week later (cf. John 20: 26). Jesus met him in his struggles by inviting St. Thomas to put his finger and hand in his wounds (cf. John 20: 27-29). St. Thomas may have initially doubted, but when he had this experience with Jesus after the Resurrection, he uttered profound words of faith when “Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God!’” (John 20: 28). Then after Pentecost, it is believed that St. Thomas evangelized in India, something he likely never would have done if he remained in his doubt.[9] You and your spouse can use St. Thomas’ example of doubt, honesty, openness, vulnerability, perseverance, and faith when you experience doubt within yourself, your relationship, or your faith.
Furthermore, you can acknowledge ways that you already counsel the doubtful in your lives. There are likely times that you help your spouse or a child make a decision, or assist a colleague, friend, or family member with some information they are unsure about. Perhaps you also take time to find counsel for yourself when you are struggling. In addition, you may invite someone to grow deeper in their faith through a moment of prayer together, a conversation about a struggle, or the silent witness of your faith as you live your life. All of these are moments that you are providing counsel to the doubtful in your daily lives.
As this article comes to an end, you may pray the first day of a nine-day novena prayer asking for the intercession of St. Thomas for any areas of doubts or fears within your lives, and for you and your spouse that you may grow in the spiritual work of mercy of giving counsel to the doubtful:
“Dear St. Thomas, you were known for your skepticism, yet you came to trust deeply in the Resurrected Lord. Help us today to trust in God’s plan for our lives, even when we are filled with doubt. May we surrender our fears and uncertainties to Him, knowing that He is always faithful. Pray for us, St. Thomas, that our trust in God may grow stronger each day.
Heavenly Father, grant us the grace to trust in Your providence and to surrender our doubts and fears to You. Help us to place our complete trust in Your love and mercy. Please also hear our personal intentions. [Mention your intentions here.]
Lord Jesus, in moments of doubt, please grant me the faith of St. Thomas, to trust in Your presence, to seek Your truth, and to believe with all my heart that You are my Lord and my God. Amen.”[10]
– Melissa Guzik is a registered psychologist who works in private practice in the Edmonton area. She is the co-author of the Catholic marriage preparation and enrichment book and workbook that were recently re-released: To Know, Love, and Serve: A Path to Marital Fulfilment: 2nd Edition. Melissa lectures at St. Joseph Seminary and presents in dioceses across Canada. Information about Melissa’s private practice can be found at www.melissaguzik.com
